Fish Fiasco..

Let me start by saying deception is exhausting. This fiasco started on Sunday. After week one without dad the kids asked if they could get a fish. Due to allergies to cats, and dogs, phobias of anything reptilian and a variety of other whacked out issues I have with pets, fish are about the only possibility. Fully expecting me to say no, they freaked out when I said sure.
So Sunday we head to Petco. Little did I know that very soon the staff at Petco would know me better than most of my friends. I think after this experience I am required to send Christmas cards to them annually.
When we get to the store I decide this time we are going to do it up! No goldfish in a bowl for this family. I'm getting a 10 gallon tank with a filter and heater. This is big time. Now I should preface all this with I am not good with fish. When I was 12 my fish committed suicide. Thing jumped out of the tank just to get away from me (wouldn't a therapist have a ball with that one).
So we pick out the tank and all the kids agree (surprise, surprise) on getting a fish called a dalmation Molly, not just one, but two. One is black with white dots and the other is white with black dots. Ok, it's all going well...then we talk to the "specialist" who tells us you really need to set up the tank and let it run at least 24 hours before adding any fish. Poor Gracie was devastated, but they all accepted the fact that we would wait.
Once we get home they all help to set it up and we begin the wait for the new additions to the family.
Monday I decide to surprise them. While they are at school I go to pick up the fish. I ask about getting two dalmation Mollys and to my shock they tell me that females can have as many as 60 babies at a time and you don't see it coming. Ahhhh, no, just give me the boys thank you. There's only one boy in the tank so I take him.
The kids are thrilled. Jack is mostly thrilled because there is finally another boy in the house. Six hours later "Spots" starts to act a little funny. All the kids notice and are glued to the glass. Gracie is crying and begging the fish not to die. I'm just pissed because this means I have to start all over. Once "Spots" bites it I get a lecture from Gracie on why I should care more about fish. I'm begining to think gettting a fish was a bad idea. Personally I think all the estrogen in this house killed him.
Tuesday morning I got back to Petco with "Spots" and a sample of the tank water. Come to find out Dalmation Mollys are not "hardy" fish. Hmmm, thanks for telling me on Monday. The water is tested and fine, so it must be that Spots just died from stress...can't imagine how having three kids turning the tank lights on and off and constantly pressing their faces up against the tank would stress out a fish to death, but OK.
I find a couple options of "hardy" fish and find the perfect one (or so I thought). Tetras. Not just any tetra, it comes in 3 different colors and they are school fish so you should get more than one. Ah ha! One orange, one red and one green. Perfect!!! The kids are thrilled. Everyone is happy.
Wednesday all fish are swimming it looks good...But wait, Wed night Molly and Jack's fish are looking a little slow. SHIT!
Thursday morning I wake to find 2 dead fish caught in the filter. AHHHH! So I leave the light off in that part of the kitchen. I cannot go through more crying about fish. I decide not to say anything. I scoop the dead ones out with a plan to rush the kids to school and pick up two more fish...hee, hee they'll never know. I still don't know if I did that for them or me..
So, on the way out the door Molly is checking out the fish and says, "mom, I can't find my fish". Quickly I say, "he's sleepin' come on we have got to get to school...".
Another trip to Petco...test the water, a little high in amonia so I buy something to clean the water, pick up reading on "The Nitrogen Cycle" that the aquarium has to complete in order to have healthy fish. And two more fish identical to the ones that are now dead. What the hell? I'm beginning to think a dog would be easier. I'll just live with oxygen straped to my face! By the way, I have now spent about $200 on these fish!
OK, I get home before getting the kids replace 20% of the tank water with the new water that has been treated and is the same temp. as the tank water, allow the new fish to float in the bag ontop of the tank to adjust to the new temp. What am I forgetting? I don't think anything, oh don't forget to add the conditioner to the new water to take out the chlorine. All is well. I add the new ones to Gracie's fish and viola, the kids will never know. Damn I am tired now.
The kids come home and notice that Jack and Molly's fish are hyper. I tell them I added some medicine to the water and they are just excited. However, Gracie's is a little slower now. ARE YOU FRICKEN KIDDING ME?? Thursday night we head to school for Open House. We get home at 8 and I rush the kids upstairs knowing full well that Gracie's fish is dead.
Call Petco...open till 9. OK, Carol will help get the kids ready for be while I rush out to get a new orange fish. After digging I find the dead one and race to Petco yet again!
This time the water is still fine, just going through the "stress" part of the cycle!!!! These are fish people. I have seen nasty goldfish bowls with no filter and cheerios floating on top and the fish is still living after 2 years, one water change and being fed once a month. What the hell am I doing wrong???
So Kathy (yes we are on a first name basis now) at Petco tells me to just wait 3 to 5 days until I put any more fish in. So I sit here with two fish in the tank trying to think of a way I can decieve Gracie so I don't have to see her cry. I'm thinking about telling her he had to go to rehab at Petco...Hmm. School is out in one hour and I know she will notice that her fish is missing...
For all those people who wonder what stay at home moms do all day...this has taken up 5 days of my life and I now have 15 more gray hairs.

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